A Letter to My Son-in-Law

Right now, you are becoming the man my daughter will commit to loving for the rest of her life. You are out in the world somewhere, but you are on your way to her and you will be in our lives very soon.

Here’s a secret: I cannot wait. 

 

I have prayed for you for years, as well as for my heart as you enter our lives. I have prayed that I would love you from the very beginning, that I would think that you are too good to be true, that I would see immediately that you will be a wonderful husband and father. 

 

I am truly excited about your arrival. I am not worried about losing my daughter to you. She loves me and her father. She respects us and we adore her. There is enough love to go around. I will never, ever ask her to choose. I will be your biggest fan. I will pick you first in charades and Trivial Pursuit. I am excited to add you to our group chat and to include you in our family pictures. I will make your favorite dessert when you come visit and have your favorite drink ready.

 

I promise to be transparent with you about who I am…because that will ultimately help you understand my daughter. You will know our strengths and our weaknesses. I will not sugarcoat the struggles, but I will not dwell on the mistakes either. You can ask me any question and I will answer truthfully. However, I will respect your need for privacy and will allow you to tell me things in your own time.

 

I will not put unreasonable expectations on you. I pray that I will remember the early days of our marriage. You are establishing your career and your family and they both need your attention. 

 

I’m on your side. I want you to feel loved in our home. To prove it, here is my best tip for when you meet the father of your bride:  shake his hand like a man. He might be 30 years older than you, but he has been working on this handshake since the day he heard the doctor say, “It’s a girl.”  One day I hope you will hear those words…only then will you begin to understand the depth of Trey’s love for his daughter. He has been her protector and provider and he has done an amazing job. He has encouraged her to become a woman of influence—in her family, her career, her church, her world. Because of him, she possesses strength of character and courage of convictions. There are no wimpy women in our home, thanks to Trey’s leadership. His daughters are not afraid of confrontation but won’t go looking for a fight. They are hospitable, gracious and fiercely loyal. They love Jesus. 

 

I am praying for you…that you will love the Lord with all of your heart, mind and strength, and that my daughter will be God’s greatest gift in your life, second only to His saving grace. She is going to love you so much. Thank you for loving her back. 

 

Love,

Wynne

 

When your mom is a pharmacist...

Our oldest returns to West Point this week. Anna Louise will start her freshman year at Baylor in late August. Both will be approximately 1000 miles away from us, after spending the past four months in our home. There is very little that I can do as a mother from that distance. But, I can send them prepared with all sorts of stuff in case they contract Covid-19 and have to quarantine. Here is what I included in their "Quarantine Kit".

Wages Quarantine Kit 2020

¨ Thermometer

¨ Advil (ibuprofen) 200mg

¨ Tylenol (acetaminophen) 500mg

¨ Zyrtec (cetirizine) 10mg

¨ Pepcid AC (famotidine) 20mg

¨ Loperamide 2mg (antidiarrhea)

¨ DayQuil/NyQuil combo pack

¨ Cold-Eeze or Zicam lozenges

¨ Mucinex 600mg XR (guaifenesin)

¨ Vitamin C 500mg 

¨ Zinc picolinate/gluconate/acetate 50mg 

¨ Quercetin 300mg 

¨ Melatonin (slow release) 1.2mg

¨ Vitamin D3 1000IU 

¨ Hand sanitizer

¨ Kleenex

¨ Powerade

¨ Books

¨ Phone charger

¨ Comfortable pair of shorts/t-shirt/change of underwear

 

 

Covid Vitamin Cocktail

Vitamin C 500mg BID*

Zinc 50mg BID 

Quercetin 300mg BID

Melatonin (slow release) 1.2mg each evening

Vitamin D3 1000 QD**

 

Covid Pepcid/Zyrtec Treatment

Pepcid (famotidine) 20mg BID x21 days

Zyrtec (cetirizine) 10mg BID x21 days

 

Antidiarrheal Treatment

Loperamide 4mg (2 capsules) after 1st loose stool, then 2mg (1 capsule) after each subsequent loose stool. Maximum daily dosage is 16mg (8 capsules)

*BID = twice daily

**QD = once daily

 

 

3 Months into the Pandemic...

It was a tsunami, heading straight for us. The virus which had killed thousands in China and devastated Italy was ravaging New York City and coming our way. On March 12, Trey told me that we were locked down. Over the next few days, when he wasn’t at the hospital, he spent hours on the phone with our family and friends, explaining the severity of Covid-19 and the precautions that they must take. I was concerned about so many things, but mainly I was worried about Trey. His words rang in my ears: “I’m definitely going to get it; I just need to hold off for as long as possible so that I can help for as long as possible.”

That first weekend, Trey was on call. While he was working and I was scrolling through Facebook, I saw what I had been dreading—EAMC had its first coronavirus patient. I knew that Trey would be the one to intubate this patient. I became physically sick. I couldn’t sleep. 

Sleepless nights are nothing new for me. First of all, I am a mom and it comes with the territory. But, also, I am a doctor’s wife. But, I am nothing like the doctors' wives on television. I didn’t marry a doctor. I married a pharmacist. When Trey decided that he wanted to go back to school, I walked with him through the MCAT and the application process. I grinned through gritted teeth when professor after professor joked that only 33% of their marriages would survive the stress of medical school. I supported our family financially while he was in medical school and throughout his residency. With no family nearby, I navigated the waters of childcare and my pharmacy career. Church and children’s activities were often solo adventures. No less than 15 of our anniversaries have been spent apart. But it’s our life and I love it, through good & bad.

However, on March 15, I didn’t love it. I hated every minute of that night…and many nights that followed. When I saw the video of Trey suiting up into his “space suit” of protective equipment, I almost fainted. I didn’t want the children to see me fall apart, but I cried a lot. I was so worried about him. The thought of him fighting this unknown disease with limited knowledge and equipment made my heart hurt and my body fail. I couldn’t even kiss Trey goodbye because it wasn’t safe, so I would watch him leave with tears in my eyes. My kids hugged me and helped shoulder the load. I was so unbelievably grateful for the daily prayer times at the hospital parking deck, as well as for the texts of love and concern from friends. 

I watched as the numbers in Lee County rivaled the per capita numbers of other hot spots around the country. I watched Trey mourn the patients they couldn’t save. I watched him work so hard with other physicians to develop plans and treatment modalities. I heard him on the phone with colleagues around the nation. I watched as we were all in agreement that Covid-19 was the great enemy to the health and wellness of our nation. Then, I watched things ease up. Trey told me that we could get Chick-fil-A. (Cue the Hallelujah Chorus.) The stay home orders became safer at home. We bought masks and started wearing them. Trey went back to the OR as opposed to the ICU. Yet…

…Now we cannot agree on anything—masks, vaccines, economic recovery plans, churches meeting, churches singing, schools reopening. Despite the hostility, Trey goes to work day after day.  Not only Trey, but countless other physicians, nurses, respiratory therapists, maintenance workers and housekeeping staff members. These people love our community and love their patients. They have seen and will see the effects of Covid-19. Therefore, I urge you to talk to them before you get your coronavirus updates from Fox or CNN or Twitter or Facebook. They don’t have an agenda; they just want to keep their patients healthy and their own families safe.

Morever, when you are deciding whether to wear a mask or whether to go to that bar or whether to congregate or sing with your church family, think about them, the healthcare providers who will care for the next positive Covid-19 patient in the ICU. Not only them, but their families. Please think about the wife who has to alternate sleeping with her teenaged daughters because sleeping in her own bed with her husband is too risky. Please think about the children who cannot hug their father for weeks or months because he doesn’t want to put them at increased risk. Please think about us. We are giving our best to you and we want him back, safe and sound. And, believe me, if you are the next patient needing his care, you want him to be able to be your doctor. 

Bad Reasons to Vote for a Local Election Candidate

1. I just like him/her. So??? I like my son’s six year old friend, but he would be a terrible elected official. 
2. S/he shares my religious beliefs. In local government, religious beliefs do not come into play that often. Our local government is constrained already by the US Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Espousing a religious belief of any kind is not a qualification for holding elected office...following the lawis. 
3. S/he is born and bred Auburn. Stop the madness. What does this even mean? That the candidate was so short-sighted that s/he really believes that Auburn is a Utopian society? That the candidate doesn’t think that any other college is able offer the education that s/he needs? That governmental experience and education is less valuable coming from outside Alabama?? (Have you SEEN our state politicians???) Whatever the rationale for using home grown as a campaign tool, it reveals what the candidate believes about those of us who came to Auburn after birth and who are striving to make it a home for our family. It is elitist with no justification.
4. S/he is well-connected. A candidate who is well-connected is not often benevolently well-connected. Quid pro quo. It’s a thing. 
5. S/he is experienced. Please remember that this is local government. This is where our elected officials get their experience! I want local leaders to be educated and experienced in fields that teach them how to think, how to make decisions, how to lead. 
6. I like what s/he says. This can be a valid reason, but I urge you to re-read the candidates’ statements. What does each candidate reallysay? “Transparency.” “Cooperation.” “Change.” But how?? Do they give specifics? Challenge them. Find out what they reallyintendto do. 

Decisions are made by those who show up. But don’t just show up. Show up informed. Show up intelligently. Show up ready to defend your vote. 

Our children are watching. 

I Stood.

I had to stand to cast a vote.

I've never done that before. I've heard about situations where the vote was tallied by standing but I've never been in the room when it happened.

Now I have. And I stood. In opposition.

The issue is not really what the vote was about and where it took place. The issue is that I stood. I stood with one other person in opposition. Not because I am a malcontent, but because I refuse to let the process be a sham. There were others opposed...but they stayed away or stayed seated. That's their prerogative. But my vote is mine. 

We have four children who we are parenting into a world where it is easier to just go with the flow of popular opinion. People vote for a particular political party's candidate because they always vote that party or vote "yes" for every amendment on the ballot because it takes too much effort to research them.  Others avoid the vote because it doesn't matter...their vote won't change things.

Nope. I will vote every time. Even when it doesn't matter. I will research and pray and I will refuse to prostitute my voice. 

I will vote no...even when the moderator looks me in the eye and dares me to stand....because I have to go home and look my daughters in the eyes as well. And that is more important.

New Mom me vs Experienced Mom me

New moms are blogging up a storm these days. While I am glad that there are now outlets for young mothers to connect with each other and develop relationships during the hectic "new mom" days, some of the posts make me laugh. I really do not intend to make light of those days, but now that I am 17 years past the first "new mom" stage in my life, I thought it would be fun to see how our parenting has evolved.

Key

NM=New Mom

EM=Experienced Mom

NM: Enduring worship service with a toddler.
EM:  Enduring worship service with grumpy, sullen teenagers

NM:  Selecting a carseat & getting the child to stay in the carseat
EM:  Teaching a 15 year old to drive

NM:  Narrowing down all of the cute clothes that are available for my sweet girls
EM:  Finding appropriate (i.e., non-hoochie) clothes for my sweet girls.

NM:  Embarrassing my child when I had to discipline him in public
EM:  Embarrassing my child by breathing

NM:  Getting a family photo without a goofy face

Exhibit A


EM:  Getting a family photo without a grumpy face

Exhibit B


NM:  Physical exhaustion
EM:  Emotional exhaustion

NM:  Selecting play-dates with friends who have like-minded parents
EM:  Watching as my children gravitate toward their own friends...without regard to family dynamics...and keeping my mouth shut

NM:  Hoping that your older child will have a younger sibling to love and to teach the ins and outs of life in your home. 

EM:  Feeling the despair that comes from the fear that your children might not continue their relationship with each other, once they are grown.

NM:  Wondering if you and your husband will ever be able to have a "date" again
EM:  Seeing the empty nest on the horizon & feeling an ache in your heart

NM:  Being so excited when your child makes his first good decision by himself
EM:  Watching & waiting on his college decision and realizing that it is completely his alone

NM:  Taking our children to church and to Christ
EM:  Waiting on Christ to come to them and for them to respond in obedience

This list is non all-inclusive. Experienced moms, please feel free to add struggles of your own.

New moms, I really do miss that special time of life that you are currently in...when hurts were healed by a band-aid, a kiss and a popsicle. Now the hurts are bigger, but the opportunity to show Christ to my children is more expansive.  He can heal those hurts that I cannot take away. And since that is what really matters...keep growing up, my children.

Another chance

The coach looked at Trey and me and asked, "Which child should I give up on?"

Those words keep ringing over and over again in my head.

To me, the one who often places more significance on justice than on grace and mercy, this question was convicting. 

How many times have I grumbled about another chance given to a wayward child while mine followed the rules? How many times have I criticized teachers, coaches or bosses for giving another chance to a seemingly "lost cause"?  But...when is giving up on someone okay?  When do we stop giving 2nd...or 3rd...or 4th chances?

A dear friend of mine gave her husband another chance after he was unfaithful.  Now their marriage is a testament to the grace of God with 3 precious children.  They are serving God in a local church and connecting with men and women who desperately need forgiveness and who desperately need to forgive.

Ben Carson was given another chance.  Now he is a world-renowned neurosurgeon who has been used to work miracles in the lives of countless people.

Jonah was given another chance...and all of the people of Nineveh were spared and God received the glory.

The Bible is full of "another chance" stories...Jacob, David, Samson...Simon Peter?  Not once, but three times he denied even knowing Jesus...but thankfully his friend, his Savior, gave him another chance.

So, when should I give up on a wayward child?

Never.

What child is worth another chance?

All of them.

Of course, this doesn't mean that we don't discipline.  This doesn't mean that the guilty don't suffer the consequences of their actions.  But it is not our right or our burden to give up on any child.  That burden relies solely on the shoulders and in the hands of God the Father.

If we claim to be Believers of the Lord Jesus Christ, we should be actively looking for opportunities for redemption.  After all, we ourselves were redeemed for God's glory.  What better way to glorify God than by showing forgiveness and love to the unlovable?

Who knows?  Maybe the child to whom we give another chance is the next Charles Spurgeon...or Abraham Lincoln...or the father of your grandchildren.

P.S.  Thank you, Coach Carter, for changing many children's lives by giving them another chance.  Thank you for changing mine and Trey's by reminding us that no one is past the point of redemption.