It's {not} Supposed to Be Fun

We attended our last PTO meeting for the year this week.  We went because our 4th grader was performing.  She had vaguely told us what the performance was going to be, but it didn't matter.  She was performing so we were there.

I wish we hadn't gone.

It was the typical PTO meeting...officers elected for the next year, budget presented, rah rah rah we are the best elementary school.

The children performed.  Sort of.  They chanted and danced to songs about how great they are going to do on the state-mandated testing in two weeks.

Then the counselor began her presentation...(to the most attentive parents in the school because, after all, we are the ones who showed up on a spring evening for a meeting!)...about how to get our children ready for testing.  Good night's sleep, eat a good breakfast, no appointments scheduled the days of testing...got it.

But what I didn't "get', what I completely disagree with, is the fact that she opened her talk with a statement something like this: "We want your children to know that testing is fun."

Hmmm...no.

State or federally-mandated standardized testing is not fun.  Never has been.  Never will be.

Now, I'm not saying that we should make it a big deal.  I think standardized testing is, unfortunately, just a necessary evil.  We should not put additional stress on our children to perform well.  In fact, why don't we just not even mention it to the children until they walk in and the forms are on their desks??  Let's make light of it if you want.  But, it's not fun.

And that's okay.

Because life is full of things that are not "fun".  A quick run-down of things in my life that haven't been "fun"...

College admissions testing
National pharmacy licensure boards
Working for a crazy woman as a boss...who attempted to fire me simply because was 9 months pregnant
Watching my newborn son who I had only held once flying off in a jet to the NICU in a hospital 2 hours away
Burying my father

It's time that we stop blurring the lines between fantasy and reality for our children.  We need to start letting them know that all of life isn't fun...or fair...  We can do that by telling them that they are not going to enjoy taking a test.  It will NOT be fun.  But, after they finish it, we are going to reward them with a snack and extra recess.

And no homework.

Now that's fun.

Don't Ask Me.

"Do you have any tricks or secrets to handling all the busyness of life with 4 active kids?"

That's the question I received via Facebook this morning.  Truly, today is the worst day to ask me that question.  I am sitting here in tears over the exchange I had with one of my children.  I am feeling incredibly guilty over the lack of attention given to my youngest two as the older two.  And don't even get me started on the state of my house.  I think the sheets on my oldest's bed have been completely kicked off and he was sleeping just under a blanket.

I used to think that these days would be so much easier than the days of sippy cups, car seats, bathtime and Barney.  Now all of my children bathe themselves, sleep [usually] in their own beds and enjoy watching some of the same shows that I do.  However, those days of mommy knowing everything and being able to fix anything are gone.  Now I am a source of embarrassment if I don't look, drive or talk the "right" way.  But I have sort of expected that.  After all, I was a teenager once myself.  

[Please forgive me, Momma and Daddy.]

What I wasn't expecting was the heart-wrenching feeling that accompanies the mumbling, the sarcasm, the eye rolls.  The feeling that I have just sacrificed my day--my energy, my schedule, my body--for this child who has no regard for me.  No appreciation for the little things that encompass my entire existence as her mother.  

How dare she?  How dare he?  

How dare I?

I do the same thing to my Father.  Every day.  Every hour.  He presents me with his best...and I grumble.  He saved my soul for His glory in this life and the next...and I neglect Him.  He gives me His Truth...and I argue about what He should have said or what He really meant.

"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus...he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant..."  Philippians 2:6, 7b

Can I be like Christ in that way?  If so, then I will be able to approach the busyness of life with joy.  If not, then I will stress over every little detail to the most of making myself and my family miserable.

I choose joy.

And now I must pray for God to help me...

The strongest women I know aren't on ESPN

I watched the Wives of the SEC this weekend. I wish I hadn't.

If you came away from that 3-part series with anything other than disgust, then you are too wrapped up in the celebrity of college football. The culture of artificiality, the opulence, the self-aggrandizing was appalling.

But the one comment that propelled me to the keyboard was this:

"The strongest women I know are coaches' wives."

Bless your heart.  You need to be introduced to more women.

I don't think that buying your own new car, bearing the responsibility of paying the household bills, filing your own tax returns or attending your children's extracurricular activities alone constitute a life of hardship requiring strength to overcome.

How do I know? I do all of those things. But I am not one of the strongest women in my circle of influence. In fact, let me introduce you to a few of the strongest women I know:

• Samantha is a single mother with 3 children. Her second child is in heaven because he was born with a rare skin disease. She watched him suffer for weeks before he died. Her husband abused drugs, had affairs and now has abandoned the family for another life. 
• Catherine's only brother was brutally murdered in the Middle East by Muslim extremists. After escaping an abusive marriage, her ex-husband makes her life miserable...taking her to court time and time again over custody issues, forcing their child into horrible situations, and generally terrorizing her.
• Sarah's youngest child was born with severe disabilities. Her oldest niece suffered an injury which has left her completely disabled, needing 24hr/day care which Sarah tries to help with when she can. She buried her mother a year ago after watching her completely waste away from cancer.
• Eleanor spent this past week...and every week of the school year...working with high school students who come from broken homes, if they have homes at all.  She spent most of her Saturday with a family who does not share her religious or ethnic background.  She serves this family well as she tries to show them the love of Jesus.   

Oh...and all 4 of these ladies work full-time in jobs that don't pay them what they are worth, much less pay them an extravagant amount more than what they are worth in terms of eternal value to society. They support the loved ones in their lives. They get up each morning and do what they have to do. They pinch pennies and shop sales. They pray.

Let's give credit where credit is due.

I'm so thankful for the strong women in my life. I pray that one day my daughters will look back at my life and see moments of strength. I pray that Trey and I are giving them the foundation so that when they need to be strong, they can call on the One from whom all real strength comes.

"Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she smiles at the future." 

Proverbs 31:25

A Letter to My Daughter-in-Law

I dreamed about you the other night. I couldn't see your face, I do not know your name, I do not know when or where or how you will decide that you love my son, but I know that you are coming.  You do not know me yet. Well, I guess you might, but the odds are that you don't. 

You do not know yet the joy of motherhood. You also do not know the pain that accompanies this highest of callings. I pray that one day you will.  I pray that one day you will rejoice greatly as the doctor says, "It's a boy!"...that one day your heart will ache as you realize that your baby boy is now taller than you...that one day a small tear will come to your eye when he surprises you with a bear hug and an apology after his testosterone-rich temper has caused him to say not-so-nice things to you.  

My sons are a constant source of joy and frustration... And I love them with my whole heart. I pray that you too will be the mother of a son.

I pray this for you because it is through these feelings of love and frustration that you will come to understand me a little better. Specifically, you will begin to understand how I feel toward your husband. Your protector, your provider, your love was first my baby, my little buddy, my son.

But soon he will be yours. His love and primary concern will be focused on you. And, since I know that day is coming, I must prepare myself. How on earth can I do that?

First, I must love his daddy with my whole heart. My command from God is to fulfill my vow to Trey, to my own husband. I must guard myself against putting my children above my husband. If I keep the proper perspective then the empty nest will be appealing, not depressing.

Second, I must remember that my identity is found in the cross of Christ, not in any of the earthly blessings I have. Can I say, like Job, "The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord."? (Job 1:21b) Do I find my completion, my wholeness in Christ? Colossians 2:10 says, "... in Him you have been made complete."  I must daily remember that His "grace is sufficient" for all things. (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Lastly, I must pray that I will live expectantly for your arrival on the scene in our lives. I pray that I will adore you from day one. I pray that I will think that you are too good to be true. Truly, I hope that I am shocked that you would choose my son to love!  I pray that I will not view you or treat you as a daughter, but as a beloved friend.  I pray that your relationship with your mother is strong. I pray that she will know from the very beginning that I have no desire to replace her in your life.  I pray that I will be available when you need me,  I want to be a source of experiential wisdom and love for you when times get tough.  I pray that I will remember these busy days when homework, carpool, ball games and piano lessons dominate the calendar.  I pray that the stress of being a young wife and mother will be vivid memories and that I will seek out ways to simply help you. I also pray that I will remember and be honest about my mistakes.  I pray that I will be quick to tell of the times when God worked in spite of me and slow to give myself any credit for any good in my children. 

Precious one, I know your husband quite well. But you will know him better. I can't wait to watch from the sidelines as you grow together!  He will love you so much. Thank you for loving him back. 

Love,

Wynne

Obedience has a Price Tag

"I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God that cost me nothing." 2 Samuel 24:24b

David was told by the prophet Gad to build an altar to the Lord on the threshing floor belonging to a man named Araunah.  His call, his marching orders, were clear...do this thing. 

So, David went to Araunah and told him the purpose behind his visit:  "To buy the threshing floor from you, in order to build an altar to the Lord, that the plague may be averted from the people." 2 Samuel 24:21

Well, Araunah was a good Israelite. His king had come to him in need of something. His response was like ours would have been: "Take it...all that you need or want!! Free of charge; it is my pleasure, my king!"

However, David...the KING...does not respond in the manner which I anticipated. "No, but I will buy it from you for a price. I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God that cost me nothing." 2 Samuel 24:24

How does this passage relate to short-term missions?

"I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God that cost me nothing."

If you believe that God has commanded you to do something...if your "call", your marching order, is clear...then do it. Go in obedience.

However, do not expect that in the completion of your task, you will incur no costs. The God who required the ultimate sacrifice from His own Son surely expects a little from us, don't you think?

First, humble yourself.  Did David send a messenger to Araunah to tell him what the king needed? No. He personally went.  If the King of Israel can make a personal appearance before his potential benefactor, so can we.  A letter requesting support should only serve as a reminder to a previously held conversation. Go to people, tell them why you are going, tell them where you are going, tell them what you hope the end result will be.

If you hand me a support letter without asking me to sit down and give you an opportunity to tell me about your trip, I will throw it away. End of story. If you cannot sacrifice your time and humble yourself to ask face-to-face, you are not fit for the mission field...short- or long-term.

Second, be prepared for an outpouring of gifts. David asked to buy the threshing floor. Araunah offered to give him the threshing floor, the oxen, and the threshing sledges and oxen yokes to use as wood! And, on top of that, he offered his blessing upon David: "May The Lord accept you." 2 Samuel 24:23

Now, this doesn't mean that everyone you ask will give. However, some will. And some will give beyond what you could imagine. Ask them all to pray for you.  Ask them to pray that your calling is clear and that you are obeying God completely.

Lastly, be willing to work. It would have been so easy...and so understandable...for David to simply respond with a grateful, "Thank you." However, he knew that obedience requires sacrifice. 

"I will not offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God that cost me nothing."

Offer to work for people who you ask for support.  Babysit, do yard work, clean their house, go grocery shopping for them. I would be willing to guarantee that their "payment" will be greater proportionally than your sacrifice of time or labor.  I do not believe that God desires for us to depend wholly on the benevolence of others to accomplish the good works He has prepared in advance for us to do. 

How does the story end? David buys the threshing floor and oxen, builds an altar and sacrifices to the Lord, who hears David's plea and the plague on the land is averted. In other words, David obeyed and God moved. Don't you want to experience that? 

I hope our family has the opportunity to join many in the fulfillment of their marching orders. 

Season of Prayer

My oldest son's baseball season begins tomorrow.  Of course, conditioning, tryouts and practices have been going on for months, but the first game is tomorrow.  All of the Auburn Wages will put on our royal blue shirts, scarfs & caps, arrive at the ballpark early and cheer loudly for the Tigers.  It's what we do.

There are many unknowns to be answered over the next two months of baseball:  Who will start?  How will Ted pitch?  Batting averages, winning percentages, RBIs and ERAs.  Will the Tigers win more than they lose?  Will the PA announcer call his name correctly?  

So many unknowns...Truly, only one thing is certain:  I do not have control over any of these.  The outcome of any at-bat or pitch or game has ZERO to do with me. For some people, that would be liberating.  For this type A, control-freak mom, it is a little bothersome.  I HAVE to do something, right?

So, I am going to do what I CAN do.  I am going to declare this baseball season to be a season of prayer.  I don't exactly know how this is going to play out--a designated time each week?  A more regular blog post?  Just personal, quality times of prayer in the quiet of my home?  Meeting with other moms?  Not sure yet.  

But one thing I do know:  I will not pray that the Tigers win.

Before you completely write me off, I am not going to pray that they lose, either.  However, I am more concerned about my son and his teammates' character development than their record.  So, here are some ways that I will pray for Ted (and his teammates):

• I pray that they will be good sports, that they will accept victory humbly and defeat graciously.  I pray that they will keep a check on their emotions and a lock on their 15-year old tongues.  
• I pray that they will not seek individual accolades, but that those who are followers of Christ would do all things for the glory of God and that all team members would work together for the good of the team.  I pray that they would rejoice with each other's success and would encourage others during times of failure.
• I pray that these young men would be coachable.  May they accept guidance and instruction with open hearts and willing feet.  I pray that they will be respectful of their coaches and that they will show appreciation to them for their commitment to the team.
• I pray for safety for each member of the team, the coaching staff and their families.  Traveling safety, game day safety, practice safety...you name it.
• I pray that Ted's character will be more refined and more God-honoring at the end of this season.  

Trey and I often say that our children are involved in sports in order to develop character, to develop leadership qualities, to become people of influence.  I have to admit that I tend to forget that in the heat of the games.  I often lose sight of the ultimate victory when an earthly one is staring me down.  Therefore, the toughest prayer to pray is one for myself...

...I pray that MY character will be more refined and more God-honoring at the end of this baseball season.  Will you join me?

I'm not that girl. I'm His girl.

Sometimes I don't want any part of the church.  

[Insert horrified gasp here, all you Southern Baptists, United Methodists and Inter/Non-denominationalists.]

It's impossible. Too many rules.  It's too weird.  Too many expectations.  

Listen to Christian music only. (I prefer Alison Krauss & James Taylor.)

Go to church building every time the doors are open.  (I don't.)

Hold hands, cry and pray with groups of people that you don't know.  (Don't get me started...)

Love, love LOVE VBS.  (Please, please, PLEASE let that be our vacation week!)

I'm a believer, baptized to walk in newness of life.  I love Jesus.  But am I good enough for the Church?  It's not looking good.

So I read Titus 2.  Learn from the older women.  Surely, they can help me with these these feelings of inadequacy.  Surely they will commiserate with me and give me loving advice.  

I hear the older ladies in the church speak to the younger about meeting their husbands at the door, dressed in high heels, each night, keeping a pristine home, cooking gourmet dinners every night, and never, ever, raising their voices to their children.  Apparently, when their children were the ages of mine, they were having twice daily family devotions, teaching children's Sunday school, taking meals to the poor and evangelizing the neighborhood...all during VBS week.  

Ugh.  

And if that isn't bad enough, my contemporaries...who should be feeling the same things as I am...seemingly have it all together.  They have 13.1 (or, heaven-forbid, 26.2) on their rear window, dress like Beth Moore, are raising the next Tim Tebow, David Platt and/or Britt Nicole and, according to Facebook, have weekly girls' nights AND date-nights with their husbands.  

Emptiness, guilt, inadequacy and anxiety. 

I'm not that girl. I will NEVER be that girl.  

But, neither are they...nor WERE they.  Yep, I said it.

Can we ever get past the facade of the Sunday morning perfection and get to the heart of the matter?  We speak of transparency and honesty, but if we share truthfully, our image might be marred.  We might not win the "Lottie Moon Woman of the Year" award.  Worse, we might be on the receiving end of the pitiful head shake, accompanied by the infamous "Bless her heart."   

And then the Holy Spirit whispers...don't you wish He would yell sometimes??...He whispers:  

“Fear not, for I have redeemed you;    I have called you by name, you are mine..."

He has redeemed me.  It's none of me.  It's all of Him.  He called me by name.  My name. He knows me.  I am His. No guilt in life, no fear in death.  

"...Remember not the former things,
    nor consider the things of old.
19 Behold, I am doing a new thing;
    now it springs forth, do you not perceive it?"  Isaiah 43:1b, 18-19a

According to Spurgeon, we are not to look merely upon what God has done in the past...as if it was a one-time event...but we are to look to the future and remember that He is able to do the same again. God isn't done with me. I am not perfected. He is constantly pruning me...it's His prerogative as to how and when. Because I am His.
In Paul's letter to the Philippians, he puts it this way: "Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own."  

The only good in me is Christ.

And that's what I want my daughters to know.  That's what I want my lost neighbor to know.  That's what I want the new mom who is struggling to keep her head above water to know.  I am not perfect.  Not even close.  But it doesn't matter.  I belong to the One who made me.  I am pressing on.  

If you ever feel guilty after talking to me, call me on it. I want to be honest, but sometimes that Lottie Moon award is too tempting. :)  

Rest assured, the truth is: I'm a mess...but for Christ.

"But thanks be to God, who in Christ always leads us in triumphal procession, and through us spreads the fragrance of the knowledge of him everywhere. For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things?  For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God's word, but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ. 
2 Corinthians 2:14-17

Man is the corrupter of religion. What God founded and man destroyed in the garden of Eden was relationship. Don't look at the failed examples of religion. Look to God.       --Mike Eaton