Im Torn

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Play to win, but in the process, grow

We have just wrapped up another baseball season for our oldest son, Ted. The practices, the games, the uniform-washing…I really do love all of it as the mom of a growing boy. However, this season has caused me sadness in my heart for the future. What is the purpose for youth team sports? Why do families sacrifice “free time” for youth sports? Why do we spend hours upon hours at the ballpark?


Youth team sports should be first and foremost about character-development. You should want your children to learn a few basic attributes as a result of sports: a good work ethic, perseverance, cooperation among teammates, coachability, how to handle adversity. If your goal for your son in little league baseball is to get him a Junior College scholarship, I am afraid you are misguided. If your goal for your son in little league baseball is for him to be a Major Leaguer, I am afraid you are delusional. The number of MLB players in its history is estimated to be around 17,000; the number of children aged 6 to 18 who compete in youth sports every year is around 44 million (according to the National Council’s 2008 study).


Trey was the head coach for Ted’s team this spring. During his initial meeting with the parents, he told them, “We may not win a game, but we will do three things: 1. We will hustle on and off the field; 2. We will manage our own dugout; and, 3. We will respect our teammates, our coaches and the umpires and not have temper tantrums.” What was he saying? He was saying that he expects maximum effort, that he expects them to be responsible and that he expects respectful and appropriate behavior on and off the field.


Hustle. That doesn’t sound too hard. If I heard Trey yell, “RUN!!!” one time, I heard it one thousand times. Run on and off the field. Run to get into position to catch the ball. Run to first base when you hit the ball. Run, run, run. Exert the effort. Of course, as Christians, we believe that we should do “all things” to the glory of God. What does it say about us if we don’t expect that to trickle down to extracurricular activities? “All things” means all things.

Manage the dugout. Keep your hat and glove together. Be responsible for your gear. The Gatorade can wait; water is fine. No visiting at the dugout. (Moms, it is time that we let our boys be young men.  If they are truly hurt, the coach will come get us.)  The game is still being played even when our team is batting; it is not social hour. For goodness sake, encourage your teammates. Learn the game.  Carry your own gear to the car once the game is over. 


Respect. Your teammates deserve respect by virtue of the fact that you signed up for a team sport. That means, you show up for practice and for games. Take responsibility for your mistakes, learn from them. I don’t care if you are the “super star” on the team; don’t refer to your teammate as “kid”.  Encourage your teammates.  Be a leader. 


The coaches deserve respect from the players because they are in authority over them. I have seen that the pool of young men my daughters will have to choose from consists primarily of disrespectful boys who roll their eyes at successful grown men, yell at their own fathers from the mound, and refuse to be coachable. God help us all.  The coaches deserve respect from the parents because we have registered our children for a team sport.  Our children learn from us. 
 (Oh, another thing. If your child is fortunate enough to have a former professional baseball player as coach, please understand that he actually does know more than either you or your son do about the game. In fact, he has probably forgotten more about baseball than either of you will ever know.)


Lastly, the umpires deserve respect because they are the umpires. That might be the hardest for even the most respectful child. Umpires make bad calls. Sometimes a lot of them. But they are the final say. End of discussion. And, parents, please keep your mouths shut. I promise if you saw a video of yourself yelling at the college kid who is earning some extra money by calling balls and strikes, you would be embarrassed. It is just not acceptable.


I love, love baseball. I love that my son enjoys the sport. I love that he is competitive and wants to win. However, I am most proud of him when I see him encouraging his teammate who just made a mistake, when I see him hustling off the field after catching behind the plate for 6 innings straight, when I see him putting his arm around an opposing team’s player as they pray. Those images are worth a thousand homeruns.  He is a work in progress and God's grace has been lavished upon us over his lifetime.  May we be worthy of the responsibility of parenting Ted, his sisters and his brother.


Play to win, but in the process, grow.