They Sit Together on the Porch by Wendell Berry

They sit together on the porch, the dark
Almost fallen, the house behind them dark.
Their supper done with, they have washed and dried
The dishes–only two plates now, two glasses,
Two knives, two forks, two spoons–small work for two.
She sits with her hands folded in her lap,
At rest. He smokes his pipe. They do not speak,
And when they speak at last it is to say
What each one knows the other knows. They have
One mind between them, now, that finally
For all its knowing will not exactly know
Which one goes first through the dark doorway, bidding
Goodnight, and which sits on a while alone.

We need to grow up

My church is an extremely missions-minded church.  In fact, that is one of the primary reasons why Trey and I decided to join this particular fellowship of believers.  We want our children to grow up with the Great Commission being lived out before them, not simply taught.

However, over the past few weeks, I have heard several people complain that there is too much of a missions-emphasis from the pulpit.  

"He preaches too much about missions."  "We aren't all called to be missionaries."  "I don't know about you, but I'm supposed to stay right here in my Jerusalem."

To be honest, I have begun struggling with a question about a "calling" to the mission field...why don't I have one??  Why am I not considered one of the elite followers?  Why am I not called to ministry or to missions?  Am I not good enough for God's all-star team?

The truth is:  I have been called.  

In Acts 1:8, Jesus says, "...you will receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you, and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth."  (emphasis mine) Christ-followers, from the very beginning of their walk, are all called to the mission field for the glory of God.  That will definitely look differently in each of our lives, but, make no mistake, we must all be prepared to go.  In fact, Rupert Leary says, "Plan to go, but be willing to stay."

So...if that is the case, why do we get angry at preachers who focus on missions?  Why do we get irritated when the Great Commission is emphasized "too much"?  Why do the vast majority of us believe that we are called to hang out in "Jerusalem" and only the really good ones are bound for the ends of the earth?

"When discipleship is healthy, sending is easy."

Ouch.

When I heard Leary say this, it all came full circle.  The Church is failing in her discipleship ministry.  Therefore, her sending is weakened. 

Jesus said, "Follow me, and I will make you become fishers of men." (Mark 1:17)  He went to the marina, sought out His men and invited them to spend three years in life-on-life ministry with Him in order to prepare them for His purpose...to get His story to the ends of the earth.  Now, the entire earth wasn't even populated at that time, so obviously 12 men weren't going to finish the job.  But, they were to reproduce their lives to the next generation, and that generation would reproduce to the next, and so on.

Discipleship is not a Bible study, a book club or an accountability group.  Discipleship is guiding someone from spiritual infancy to spiritual maturity so that they can reproduce.  We are spiritual babies.  Okay...before you get all high and mighty about being saved as a toddler and a member of your church for the past 30+ years...being a Christian for your entire life does not mean that you are spiritually mature and reproducing.  It might just mean that you are spiritually fat.  Have you ever been discipled?  My heart breaks when I bring this topic up among my generation of believers.  We don't have a clue.  We have been lost in the shuffle of over-programming, worship-style wars, and denominational power struggles.  Our enemy is shrewd.  I wish every pastor would put a hard stop to every single program in the church until a true discipleship program was established and effective.  Imagine.  The last time that happened, the world was changed.

Why does the emphasis on "going" elicit such irritation and angst?  Because we can't.  We don't know how.  But, saying "I can't. Please help me," hurts our pride.  It's easier to whine and say, "You can't make me."  We need to grow up.  

Loyalty, alcohol and accounting

When Albert Hood walked into the church, memories of my father's accounting firm flooded my mind.  I remembered going to Atlanta and spending hours playing on stacks of rugs while my mom selected one for each room in the old house that would be their new office. I remembered driving tax returns to the post office at 11:30 p.m. on several April 15ths to make the postmark deadline. I remembered the huge computer processor that was in their office...it took up the entire room! But, it was the first computer I had ever seen and I thought my daddy was the smartest man in the world because he knew how to work it.

I also remembered the end of tax season, 1987. My parents telling my brother and me that daddy was going to a rehabilitation center for alcoholism. My world came crashing down. I was 14. Seriously, all you want at age 14 is for your parents to be as normal as possible.  This didn't fit that bill. And wasn't alcoholism hereditary? Was I doomed?  What about my parents' marriage? Could it survive?  I remembered all of those feelings.

One thing I don't remember about those weeks, though, was worrying about my dad's job. When you own your own business, you eat what you kill. Daddy wasn't killing anything, but we still ate. Looking back on it now, and after talking with my mom, I realize that Mr. Albert kept the business afloat. He didn't bad-mouth my dad, or critique his life choices, or leave our family to fend for ourselves during that time. Why? Because he was loyal. My father was Mr. Albert's mentor in their profession. Daddy taught him how to be a successful CPA. So, when my father stumbled, Mr. Albert did not view it as an opportunity to kick a wounded dog, but rather as an opportunity to express his appreciation to his mentor, his business partner, his friend, by caring for his family and his business.

What about me? How do I react when I have been "wronged" by someone's poor choices? Do I view it as an opportunity to show mercy and grace? Or do I just try to save myself at all costs? Do I remember the commitments I made in an easier time? Am I loyal to those who have poured into me? Will I remember the example of integrity shown to me by Albert Hood?

July 21, 2011. My daddy's funeral. My words to Mr. Albert. "Thank you." At the time, it just meant "Thank you for making such a long trip to pay your respects." Today it means so much more. 

A Scout is...helpful

What does it mean to be helpful?  According to the dictionary, it means to serve a useful function, to give help, to give or render aid or assistance.  I think it is a word that we use without much thought...sort of like the words "kind" or "cute".  I thought about it the same way...until our oldest child was truly helpful to a complete stranger.

On July 18, 2012, Ted was riding his bike home from a friend’s house in our neighborhood.  As he was riding up the hill that leads from his friend's house, he heard a cry for help. After stopping and trying to call to the person crying for help, he got off his bike and ran over to the driveway he was passing when he had heard the cry.  Looking around, he saw an old man lying on the ground beside his driveway. In Ted's words, he "was scared, but knew [he] needed to help".  The man told Ted that he had gone to get his mail and lost his balance and fell. Ted asked him how long he had been on the ground;  the gentleman said that he did not know but definitely for a few hours. Ted got his mail for him, helped him inside, then rode home and told Trey what had happened. Together, they returned to the man's house and they found out that he was 82 years old.  After Trey was able to evaluate the situation, he ended up admitting the gentleman to the hospital where he was treated for severe dehydration during a week-long stay. 

July.  Alabama.  Middle of the day.  82 year old unable to move out of the elements.  Truly, the man could have died.  Thankfully, Ted stopped and helped.

Ted stopped.  He saw the need.  Then he helped.

Being truly helpful is rendering assistance in areas where assistance is needed.  In order to know where our assistance is needed, we have to know the situation.  We have to focus on others for more than a fleeting moment.  If Ted had just glanced over his shoulder after hearing the first cry for help, he wouldn't have seen the man.  He would have keep riding and who knows what would have happened.  But he stopped.  He got off his bike.  He looked around.  Then, he helped. 

Yes, I'm a proud mother.  Tonight when Ted was awarded a National Certificate of Merit from the National Court of Honor of the Boy Scouts of America for this act of service, I thought my heart was going to explode out of my chest with pride for this oldest child of ours.  

But...I am also a convicted mother.  Do I stop long enough to see the need?  Do I even hear the cries for help?  If I am honest, then I would have to say no.  However, from now on I'm going to follow my son's example...even when I'm scared.  

Anyone care to join me?

Loads of Fun

4 children. 1 husband. Me. A ton of shirts, socks, jerseys, pajamas, jeans, sheets, towels, etc., dirtied.  If  I have any hope of being a Proverbs 31 woman, I have to look well to the ways of my household, right?  Therefore, I must wash...and dry...and fold...and put away...all of those items.  But does the laundry room have to be depressing?  Or unorganized?  Or ugly?

I don't think so.

So, while the boys were out of town and my mom was here, I decided to redeem our laundry room.  Of course, I forgot to take "before" pictures, but let me assure you that the "before" was sad.

I kept the existing wire shelves.  I might change them out eventually but they work for now.

The framed picture above the dryer is a customized version of Martha Stewart's stain removal chart.   I formatted it as an 11x17 pdf file, printed it at an office supply store for $1.41 and used a frame we already had.

Finally, a place for the all-important popcorn bucket!

Great shelves from World Market.  Laundry baskets and rug from Target.  Other baskets from Pottery Barn...had them previously.

Most of the "decor" consists of extra cleaning supplies.  Don't you love my vintage fox twine box?!  My aunt and mom each have one and I just HAD to buy one for myself.  I hadn't found a place for him since we moved to Auburn...until now!

A sweet friend made the moss-covered cross for my birthday...which was the day this project began!

My two favorite things...my Wash Woman ceramic and my "Mom's Pay" jar.  When I was young, my grandmother took all of the girls in our family to the Miss Mississippi Pageant each July.  On our first trip, we brought ceramics to paint at the hotel.  This Wash Woman was my work of art from that trip!

This picture just makes me happy.

Not exactly a "pretty" part of the room, but at least I can get to the sink now.  I might paint these cabinets eventually...maybe once I try my hand at chalk paint!

My Last Week as a Southern Baptist?

I might not consider myself a Southern Baptist after this week’s convention in Houston.  I really don’t like having a denominational title anyway, but this week might be the proverbial straw that breaks the camel’s back. 

You might presume that I am sick and tired of the hyper-Calvinists who are running the SBC.  Nope.  I stand with both feet on the Reformed side of that argument.  (Except I won’t argue.  Just like I won’t argue about how the Trinity works.  Some things are for me to “see through a glass dimly” now and to look forward to full knowledge when I sit at the Lord’s feet for eternity. )  My issue is with the leadership of the SBC who have misused their pulpits.  One even called for all parents to “pull their children out of Boys Scouts.” (Ernest Easley, in Baptist Press.) 

Let me first say this:  I wholeheartedly opposed the Boy Scouts of America’s change in their membership policy.  I was praying that the vote would go the other way.  But it didn’t.  However, as soon as the results were announced, I began to see the issue in a completely different light.  Not because the Boy Scouts changed, but because the Church did.  God’s people were going crazy…knee-jerk reactions with all sorts of predictions about what will happen in the future…doom and gloom about the moral decline of our nation because one group said that "membership could not be denied on the basis of sexual orientation alone."

Do we really have that little faith in the sovereign God of the universe?  Do we really think that He is not in control of these things?  Nothing that the Boy Scouts of America does will cause the demise of the Church.  Christ said that “the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.” (Matthew 16:18)  Do we believe our Savior or not?  (See, I told you I was reformed.)

In his message from the pulpit, Easley, chairman of the Southern Baptist Convention's Executive Committee & senior pastor of Roswell Street Baptist Church, said that his church is "…not going to put our arms around organizations that openly oppose the moral guidelines taught in God's Word."  First of all, that isn’t what the membership policy does.  The BSA is not advocating the rightness or wrongness of homosexuality.  The membership policy specifically states that “Any sexual conduct, whether homosexual or heterosexual, by youth of Scouting age is contrary to the virtues of Scouting.”  (Click here for specifics of membership policy.) You have scouting.  You have sexuality.  Those two things are not overlapping.  At all.  Keep them separate.  While involved in BSA actitivies, there should be no discussion of a sexual nature.  None.  This isn’t the time to discuss the “hotness” of your girlfriend.  Take up the cell phones, scoutmasters.  If anything, I believe this will make the adult leaders in our area more vigilant about developing character and leadership qualities in boys and keeping the inappropriate topics out.

Secondly, does the pastor instruct the parents in his congregation to keep their children out of team sports?  Does he instruct them to “pull their children out” of all public and private schools?  Does he stand at the door of the youth group at his church and ask each and every child about their sexual orientation?  Surely not.  As Christians, we cannot live in our segregated Christian bubble.  We are then just weird to the world and ineffective for the Kingdom.  We are to be the hands and feet of Christ.  Not because He needs us, but because he has put us here “for such a time as this.” 

As to the SBC leaders’ arguments about protecting our children…I have watched the BSA training video about recognizing abuse.  I assure you that the church would be better off if adult leaders were required to undergo similar training.  I have had family members involved in three different Boy Scout troops with no charges of sexual abuse.  I have been a member of four different Southern Baptist Churches in my life…three of which have had staff members embroiled in sexual scandals.  Please, please, please do not embarrass our convention any further by going around the country using this as an argument to disassociate from the BSA, especially with all of the current SGM controversy. 

Furthermore, the Boy Scouts of America develops character and leadership qualities.  End of discussion.  Scouts are leaders…astronauts, congressmen, governors…after all, 16.3% of West Point Cadets are Eagle Scouts with over 50% involved in scouting to some degree!  SBC Executive Committee President Frank Page said that “To claim that the Boys Scouts is the nation's foremost youth program of character development and values-based leadership training suddenly rings hollow."  Why??  61% of the voting delegates said that all boys are better off involved scouts than not.  Young men who are homosexual are not necessarily lacking in leadership qualities or in character.  Give me a break.  Even my fundamental, Southern Baptist upbringing recognizes the flaws in that line of thinking. 

Lastly, let me speak to my fellow parents:  if you think that you can shelter your child from the knowledge of homosexuality, you are living in a fairy tale.  And it is a dangerous one.  If you are upset because scouting was the “last bastion of wholesomeness”, then you should be ashamed.  There is nothing righteous outside of Christ.  It is our responsibility to train our children in the truth of Scripture.  We cannot abdicate that responsibility…not to the church, not to schools, not to scouts, not to sports.  We are to use all of these venues to bring us to teachable moments with our children where we open Scripture, pray and communicate with them.  Truth hasn’t changed.  But times have changed.  We do not have the luxury of keeping our children “innocent”.  I assure you that if we think we do, then we will look back in horror and wish we had addressed hard issues with them earlier. 

I do agree with Pastor Easley when he said, “for us not to do everything we can to protect [our children], shame on us."  Unfortunately, he was referring to isolating them from the Boy Scouts of America, as if the scouts were the enemy.  However, our battle is not with flesh and blood, with institutions of this world or of this nation.  My job is to teach my children to "be self-controlled and alert” (1 Peter 5:8a) so that they can fight the real fight against their real enemy.  I pray that this week the leaders of the Southern Baptist Convention will fight the real fight.  Be a Great Commission people.  Be Gospel-minded, Christ-centered, Cross-focused.  Don't lose the fight because you are focusing on the enemy.  Focus on the King who is leading you into battle.