Another chance

The coach looked at Trey and me and asked, "Which child should I give up on?"

Those words keep ringing over and over again in my head.

To me, the one who often places more significance on justice than on grace and mercy, this question was convicting. 

How many times have I grumbled about another chance given to a wayward child while mine followed the rules? How many times have I criticized teachers, coaches or bosses for giving another chance to a seemingly "lost cause"?  But...when is giving up on someone okay?  When do we stop giving 2nd...or 3rd...or 4th chances?

A dear friend of mine gave her husband another chance after he was unfaithful.  Now their marriage is a testament to the grace of God with 3 precious children.  They are serving God in a local church and connecting with men and women who desperately need forgiveness and who desperately need to forgive.

Ben Carson was given another chance.  Now he is a world-renowned neurosurgeon who has been used to work miracles in the lives of countless people.

Jonah was given another chance...and all of the people of Nineveh were spared and God received the glory.

The Bible is full of "another chance" stories...Jacob, David, Samson...Simon Peter?  Not once, but three times he denied even knowing Jesus...but thankfully his friend, his Savior, gave him another chance.

So, when should I give up on a wayward child?

Never.

What child is worth another chance?

All of them.

Of course, this doesn't mean that we don't discipline.  This doesn't mean that the guilty don't suffer the consequences of their actions.  But it is not our right or our burden to give up on any child.  That burden relies solely on the shoulders and in the hands of God the Father.

If we claim to be Believers of the Lord Jesus Christ, we should be actively looking for opportunities for redemption.  After all, we ourselves were redeemed for God's glory.  What better way to glorify God than by showing forgiveness and love to the unlovable?

Who knows?  Maybe the child to whom we give another chance is the next Charles Spurgeon...or Abraham Lincoln...or the father of your grandchildren.

P.S.  Thank you, Coach Carter, for changing many children's lives by giving them another chance.  Thank you for changing mine and Trey's by reminding us that no one is past the point of redemption.

It's {not} Supposed to Be Fun

We attended our last PTO meeting for the year this week.  We went because our 4th grader was performing.  She had vaguely told us what the performance was going to be, but it didn't matter.  She was performing so we were there.

I wish we hadn't gone.

It was the typical PTO meeting...officers elected for the next year, budget presented, rah rah rah we are the best elementary school.

The children performed.  Sort of.  They chanted and danced to songs about how great they are going to do on the state-mandated testing in two weeks.

Then the counselor began her presentation...(to the most attentive parents in the school because, after all, we are the ones who showed up on a spring evening for a meeting!)...about how to get our children ready for testing.  Good night's sleep, eat a good breakfast, no appointments scheduled the days of testing...got it.

But what I didn't "get', what I completely disagree with, is the fact that she opened her talk with a statement something like this: "We want your children to know that testing is fun."

Hmmm...no.

State or federally-mandated standardized testing is not fun.  Never has been.  Never will be.

Now, I'm not saying that we should make it a big deal.  I think standardized testing is, unfortunately, just a necessary evil.  We should not put additional stress on our children to perform well.  In fact, why don't we just not even mention it to the children until they walk in and the forms are on their desks??  Let's make light of it if you want.  But, it's not fun.

And that's okay.

Because life is full of things that are not "fun".  A quick run-down of things in my life that haven't been "fun"...

College admissions testing
National pharmacy licensure boards
Working for a crazy woman as a boss...who attempted to fire me simply because was 9 months pregnant
Watching my newborn son who I had only held once flying off in a jet to the NICU in a hospital 2 hours away
Burying my father

It's time that we stop blurring the lines between fantasy and reality for our children.  We need to start letting them know that all of life isn't fun...or fair...  We can do that by telling them that they are not going to enjoy taking a test.  It will NOT be fun.  But, after they finish it, we are going to reward them with a snack and extra recess.

And no homework.

Now that's fun.

Don't Ask Me.

"Do you have any tricks or secrets to handling all the busyness of life with 4 active kids?"

That's the question I received via Facebook this morning.  Truly, today is the worst day to ask me that question.  I am sitting here in tears over the exchange I had with one of my children.  I am feeling incredibly guilty over the lack of attention given to my youngest two as the older two.  And don't even get me started on the state of my house.  I think the sheets on my oldest's bed have been completely kicked off and he was sleeping just under a blanket.

I used to think that these days would be so much easier than the days of sippy cups, car seats, bathtime and Barney.  Now all of my children bathe themselves, sleep [usually] in their own beds and enjoy watching some of the same shows that I do.  However, those days of mommy knowing everything and being able to fix anything are gone.  Now I am a source of embarrassment if I don't look, drive or talk the "right" way.  But I have sort of expected that.  After all, I was a teenager once myself.  

[Please forgive me, Momma and Daddy.]

What I wasn't expecting was the heart-wrenching feeling that accompanies the mumbling, the sarcasm, the eye rolls.  The feeling that I have just sacrificed my day--my energy, my schedule, my body--for this child who has no regard for me.  No appreciation for the little things that encompass my entire existence as her mother.  

How dare she?  How dare he?  

How dare I?

I do the same thing to my Father.  Every day.  Every hour.  He presents me with his best...and I grumble.  He saved my soul for His glory in this life and the next...and I neglect Him.  He gives me His Truth...and I argue about what He should have said or what He really meant.

"In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus...he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant..."  Philippians 2:6, 7b

Can I be like Christ in that way?  If so, then I will be able to approach the busyness of life with joy.  If not, then I will stress over every little detail to the most of making myself and my family miserable.

I choose joy.

And now I must pray for God to help me...